Second, being alone provides us with a chance to communicate with ourselves. We frequently fail to take the time to listen to our inner voice because we are so busy living our lives. It is helpful to calm the mind and concentrate on our thoughts and feelings to spend a few minutes alone each day. This can help us in our quest for clarity and a deeper comprehension of our identities and life goals.

It can be simple to forget to take time for ourselves in today's busy environment. However, recognizing the value of isolation is crucial, so be sure to arrange some time each day for it. We can unwind, rejuvenate, and gain perspective by spending some time alone. It can also serve as a potent inspiration, encouraging us to follow our passions and accomplish our objectives. So take a moment to reflect and appreciate the strength of solitude.

I have never gone into full details about September 11 and life after, so I've decided to blog about it. The night before September 11, I did my regular Monday night thing at Bar 13, reading poetry and snapping my fingers until it was time to head to work. Damn, I miss those nights of giving strangers an in-depth vision of my awkward creative thoughts. So neurotic and erotic on that beautiful late summer night, and by the time I stepped outside, the vibe had released me into a world where my vision was no longer blurred. 

I showed up around 11:30 PM to work my 12 AM to 8 AM shift as the Security Supervisor for Instinet. Instinet was located on the 12th, 13th, and 14 floors of the North Tower of the World Trade Center. The night went by fast as per - let's face it, this was a cakewalk job for someone like me. The pay was fantastic, and I got to do a lot of studying for the web design course I was taking. At 7:30 AM, my coworker Eric showed up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. At 7:45 AM, the secretary, Adriana, called to say that she would be running late for our weekly meeting. This phone call was significant because she, the office manager, Walter, and I would meet for about 5 minutes once a week. The discussions never went over, so I didn't mind waiting at all.

I sat in the office as Eric did his patrol, he started with the 14th, then the 13th, and finally down to the 12th floor. He must have been on the 12th floor for two minutes when the Big Bang happened.

The building started swaying like a wave pool at a waterpark. My first thought was that it's an earthquake. It felt like an earthquake, so I jumped out of my chair and stood up in the doorway. Soon after the rocking stopped, Eric came rushing out of the door across from the office, but he wasn't alone. It seemed like he brought the whole 12th floor with him. Everyone was panicking and frantic, giving me the what is happening face. I, at the time, had no idea what was going on. I picked up the phone to call the fire marshal, but there wasn't an answer. I then jumped to the next course of action, which was to evacuate all three floors. I told everyone to grab their stuff and start heading downstairs. I ordered Eric, who was still rightfully shell shocked, to clear the 14th and 13th floors. After I double-checked the 12th, I tried calling the Fire Marshal back but still had no luck. When Eric got back to the 12th floor, most Instinet workers started coming back upstairs, stating that the Fire Marshal said it was just a fire on the upper floors. I thought we were all in the clear for a second, so I decided to call my mother to let her know what was happening. Good thing because she said that a plane had struck the building and another was about to hit the. "Get, your ass home" was how that conversation ended, "Okay ma," I assured her.

Eric and I started the evacuation process again but in reverse. I checked the 14th and then the 13th floor, and Eric contained the 12th. By the time I got back to the 12th floor, Eric and Walter were helping a few firefighters take their gear off, so I joined in. They took a brief five-minute break to drink water, we helped them put their heavy ass gear back on, and up they went.

Finally, it was time to leave. The stairwell was quiet by then, and when we got to the 7th floor, we found two old ladies struggling to go down the stairs. At that point, it wasn't in us to leave them, so we offered to help. "We'll walk with you," Walter said. The door from the stairwell to the main entrance felt like it would take hours to get to, and the closer we got to it felt more peaceful. I will never forget the moment we finally reached outside. My emotions were mixed, especially since a few Instinet employees were still hanging around. I said my goodbyes and started walking towards the Church. Eric and Walter followed, and after seconds of standing in front of the Church, it sounded like a bomb was dropping in one of those old war movies. I looked up and saw the building falling, so I yelled, "Run!"

We all started running away from the World Trade Center buildings. The morning just kept on getting harder and harder, but I knew I had to stay attached to both Walter and Eric. Walter was in his mid-60s, and Eric wasn't fleet of foot. They were out of breath when they stopped running, but we were safe. After we dusted ourselves off, we game-planned what we would do next. Eric suggested we go to his grandmother's apartment. Luckily she lived close by, because I had enough excitement for one day. Each step to Eric's grandmother's apartment, my legs got heavier. My nerves were finally catching up to me, the chain of events still unclear, and a sense of hopelessness started to hit the air.

Eric's knock on his grandmother's door was far from subtle, and the embracing exchange seemed like it gave him a sense of security. Even though I felt welcomed, I still didn't feel safe because I was still in the city. Walter stayed two hours before he left. That was the last time I saw Walter, but I know he made it home safe. Eric had no plans on leaving his grandmother's apartment, and I had to wait until I heard it was okay to attempt to get home. I lived in East New York at the time, so I had to walk over the bridge to get the train to get home. I got to the bridge at 4:10 PM. By then, my heart had been racing since 8:46 AM. Now, this is the perfect segue to my first of many World Trade Center health-related conditions.

(If you or someone you know was directly impacted by the World Trade Center attack, The WTC Health Program is still accepting applications https://www.cdc.gov/wtc/)

My first encounter with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was months after the attack. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling cold, yet I was soaked in sweat. I woke up because I had a dream that the building was once again falling on me. Almost every night after, I relived different moments of September 11, and each night I lost sleep. A few years later, I started to get easily irritated, and it didn't matter who or what the problem was; it seemed to be ten times bigger. I never paid any attention to any mental illnesses before September 11, so I had no idea what I was going through. There were periods where I didn't leave my room for days. I didn't want to be around people, not even my ex-wife and kids.

(There is hope for PTSD. Find more information on symptoms and treatment here.)

Anxiety attacks were next on the list to rear their ugly head. No matter where I go, my body is in survival mode. When I step into any room, I locate the exits, and then I come up with a million reasons I would have to go flying out of them. Then came survivor's remorse and suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts are the hardest thing to explain. I sometimes feel like I don't belong or nobody understands what I am going through. I tried therapy for years, and for the most part, they all started the same way. As soon as I say I am a World Trade Center survivor, most would tell me where they were when I happened. At that point, I stop listening, sorry I am not here for you. Plus, if there were one place a person is allowed to be narcissistic, I would think it would be at therapy. I tried all kinds of pills to combat my mental health problems, and none seem like they work. In 2013, I started using alcohol to sleep, and I would drink until I couldn't remember anything.

Although I was no longer losing sleep, I was now losing my loved ones. Substance abuse put a giant wall between my nightmares and my reality. It took a few years to realize I was addicted to escaping my feelings before I checked myself into Seafield drug and alcohol rehabilitation. By November 2016, I had become a shell of what used to be a man, self-destructed and self-inflicted.

5. Be kind to yourself. Keep in mind that regret is a natural emotion experienced by all people and that everyone makes mistakes. Let yourself to forget about it and go on.

6. Let go of it. It's time to let go and move on once you've done everything you can to atone, forgive, and confront your delusional notions.